As Father's Day looms again, many of us find bittersweet, fond memories, as well as sadness for what was. My dad was such a constant in my life, mostly as a positive. However, my siblings will tell everyone that he was strict; any edict he put forth was to be obeyed. Dad had spoken. My sisters referred to me as "the duchess" at times. I didn't usually get into trouble, while they claimed to have received a lot of intervention. When we were still of preschool age, we lived for a time on an old farmstead, the home of one of the elders in our church. Our brothers rode the school bus, after a long trek down a lengthy gravel lane. The two older girls decided it was time for the bus to return and taking me, the toddler with them they walked the quarter mile or so out to the road to meet the bus. Somewhere along the way Mom caught up to them, with a switch. They got a spanking. I was carried home. It was also only 10 a.m. Carol still bears some resentment. She says there was always the reminder that she was "old enough to know better" but when she really wanted to be included with Judy, she was too young. She felt the stigma of the middle child.
Dad expected a lot from us. He set a high standard for himself and everyone was expected to follow his pattern. Mom carried on with the child rearing and Dad attended to infractions. We did not hear "wait till your father gets home." Mom dealt with issues herself most times. Carol learned to control her share of the Irish temper. Storming out of the house and slamming the door for emphasis resulted in an applied lesson. One bark from Dad and she returned to open and shut the door sensibly. Sometimes we felt hard done by, but we had a school friend who viewed it differently. Joanne was part of a family with much older parents, too exhausted to really make any effort at discipline. On the occasion of a rare overnight at our house, Joanne was reprimanded just as we were, made to settle down, keep her voice down and use some indoor manners. She told us later that she wished she lived with us. I believe she felt that she was valued enough for someone to care about her and her character development. Her statement made us look at our upbringing differently. Dad's rigid rules were a sure sign of his concern for us. Making sure we learned to work well alongside him and Mom wasn't his only goal. He taught us to honour God, to keep our word, to share, to have compassion for others. He also taught us to have fun. We experienced many day trips: to the zoo, to the mountains, down side roads in search of adventure. Sometimes those adventures included picking berries, but we also saw magnificent scenery and hiked into back trails to gaze at waterfalls. One year mom and dad planned a family camping trip, an entire month's outing. Grandpa and grandma stayed on the farm to do the chores and keep our old dog company.
On that trip we travelled to Vancouver Island and back, into the States, then home through Montana. On the way we stopped off in Oregon to visit relatives of Mom's, hit the northwest corner of Wyoming to view Old Faithful geyser in Yellowstone National Park, and even the Lewis and Clarke caverns in Montana. We shimmied and crouched our way through the tight passages, beautiful but unnerving. On one of our many stops in a memorable campground we were blessed, first with a squirrel intent on gaining entrance to the tent. Later the same night dad heard a bear rummaging through a neighbour's garbage can.
While we huddled together and held our breath and each other, Dad eased his way out of the tent and into the truck. He gunned the engine and roared around and around, making enough ruckus to chase off the intruder. No task was ever too overwhelming for dad, at least in my eyes. In later years as he faithfully cared for mom in her failing capacity, he struggled to accept any assistance, because he too thought he was invincible. We stood by, helping all we were allowed. We learned to accept our reversed roles; we were the stronger for it. Following Dad's example we walked alongside, to be a support.
