TORONTO — Shawn Desman can pinpoint when his life hit rock bottom.
It was 10 years ago, when he found himself downing tequila alone at home in the middle of the night after a succession of personal and professional battles.
The trouble started, as the 42-year-old Toronto-raised pop singer sees it, when his record label began pushing him to drop the wholesome dance persona that fuelled a string of Canadian chart hits. They wanted something "more edgy."
When his attempt at a sexier, edgier image flopped — his singles "Victoria" and "Obsession" proved quickly forgettable — he says Universal Music Canada decided not to renew his deal.
All of a sudden, Desman's career was on the rocks. Then a few months later, his wife was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, a painful disease that left her housebound. Worried for his family's future, the father of three turned to the bottle.
"I was waking up in the middle of the night, going downstairs to my kitchen and backing tequila shots like crazy to put me to sleep," he said in a recent interview.
"My wife was like, 'You can't keep doing this.'"
Long gone was the slick, baggy-jeaned dancer whose breakout 2002 single “Get Ready” put him in heavy rotation on MuchMusic at 20 years old. Desman turned out a succession of Canadian pop radio favourites over the next decade, including "Electric," "Shook" and "Night Like This."
Knowing that alcoholism runs in his family, Desman – born Shawn Bosco Fernandes – said he decided to seek therapy for the first time in his life as one setback after another sent him spiralling into an abyss.
It wasn't something he ever imagined doing, especially since he grew up in a traditional Portuguese household where he said his father's approach was to "suck it up."
"That’s not really a thing, sweeping it under the rug," he said. "Especially as you get older, things build."
Over the months that followed, Desman confronted his depression, worked on communication in his marriage and made an effort to understand why stress triggered a short temper. He stopped drinking, too.
But the world kept dealing blows to his ego.
In 2018, his Canada Day concert in Wasaga Beach, Ont., sold a mere 17 tickets before city council decided to make the show free.
While the dismal sales suggested poor marketing for the show, it left Desman feeling defensive.
"I’ve played to 17, 170, 1,700 and 17,000 people," he tweeted at the time. "(I) do it for the love, not for the fame."
And yet, the experience left a mark. He was already worried the culmination of recent misfortunes was a sign any new solo music would be met with similar disinterest.
"If I do something and it doesn't work, then all over again I'm a failure," he said he feared. "And do I really want that? Does my mental health need that?"
Desman took a step back. He focused on life as a stay-at-home dad, cared for his ailing wife and drove his kids to dance class and soccer practice.
"I’m done. Shawn Desman's done,” he remembers thinking.
But he wasn't really done. Behind the scenes, he still dabbled in music and eventually agreed to embark on a side project with Canadian country singer Tebey, a friend who co-wrote his 2005 single "Let's Go."
In 2020, their pop pairing RadioClub broke through as a streaming success early in the COVID-19 pandemic. Their electro-pop spin on Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" was the biggest hit.
And yet Desman still didn't see the runway for his own comeback until the summer of 2022 when he received an unprompted phone call from Drake.
The Toronto rapper was plotting an ambitious hometown concert tied to his annual OVO Fest. The evening, dubbed All Canadian North Stars, would unite a handpicked selection of Canadian hip-hop and R&B stars who influenced him as a youngster.
The lineup included Nelly Furtado, k-os and Kardinal Offishall, and Drake wanted Desman to join them. He happily obliged.
"(I'm thinking) I'm going to do the show ... come home, get on my couch and not do anything else, as I've been doing for the last seven years," Desman said.
Instead, the pieces around him started to fall into place.
When Jamie Appleby, the owner of Toronto-based indie label Wax Records, heard Desman was slated for the Drake show, he urged him to consider a return to music.
"His confidence had been shaken over the years by the music industry," Appleby recalled. "This was a catalyst moment for him to regain credibility."
Appleby offered the help of his label's team — they lined up press interviews and booked songwriting sessions.
As the OVO date neared, Desman began thinking more seriously about what his return might look like.
At the show, the audience gave him an even clearer sense: they roared when he stepped onto the stage at the History concert venue.
His choreographed routine of "Electric" alongside his young daughter became one the most memorable scenes of the night with video clips spreading on social media.
After he left the stage, Drake pulled Desman aside and encouraged him to savour the experience.
"'Did you hear those people? They love you, man,'" Desman remembers him saying. "'Trust me, I'm telling you, you need to make music again.'"
Strange as it might seem, Desman was now taking the guidance of the artist he once inspired. Thinking over Drake's advice, he put his head down and got to work. Within months, he was signed with Wax Records and issued the uplifting 2022 single "Maniac."
Word got back to Drake, who reached out to Desman again later that year. The pop singer pauses the interview to dig up a voice note from his phone.
"I don't really play this for anybody," he confides. "I think it's really special."
Over the speaker, the unmistakable voice of the Toronto rapper addresses Desman.
"I'm so glad you heard me," Drake says in the recording. "You didn't just walk off that stage, out of the building and not realize what had happened in there ... I can't wait to hear what you're cooking up."
Desman smiles at the thought of Drake giving him the final push he needed.
"I didn’t think people cared," Desman admits. "I thought everybody had forgotten, really, truly."
With his comeback fully in motion, Desman's life has turned around.
His wife's health has improved, and he's six months into a steady rollout of new music, including a live album recorded at Toronto's soon-to-be-closed Phoenix concert hall.
This fall, he embarks on a tour that winds through the eastern provinces before a final sold-out show returns him to the stage at History.
As a pop singer encroaching on middle age, Desman said overcoming hurdles is expected at this point.
“I’ve been thinking about it the last couple of days: Is this a young person’s game? But I don't think so," he said.
"If you stay consistent, put out good music and now I guess, good content, people will listen and people will watch.”
This report by The Canadian Press was first published June 26, 2024.
David Friend, The Canadian Press
